I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
