WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
