I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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