Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
