I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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