So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
