This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
