Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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