using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
