Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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