Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
