I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You can't just leave with hair like that
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
