:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
