I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm passing your future prison.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
