No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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