Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
