shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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