She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
