Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
