rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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