I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
