so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
