My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
