yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im part way to drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
