You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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