I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
