I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
