Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
