why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
