Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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