His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
