Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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