Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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