Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
