Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
