so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
