I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
