Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
