man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
