we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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