I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
