Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
