Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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