Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
