She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
