As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
