My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
