Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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