My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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