There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
