New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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