my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He passed out mid-signature
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
