So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whose ass print is on the piano?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
