awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
